Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
