yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Girls should come with a carfax report
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
