you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize