ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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