Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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