My cat gives me a boner
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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