she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
