so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
