remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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