At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
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