How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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