Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
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