The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
They took my balls.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
