haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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