don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
