I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
