yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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