you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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