this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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