My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This is my gift to your gina
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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