The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just googled if crying burns calories
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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