Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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