I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
