You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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