sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
