Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
