I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
