I am puke
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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