why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
