i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
