I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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