The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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