At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
