im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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