now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
