I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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