i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
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i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
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He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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