I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
