Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
