i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
