if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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