A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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