What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Randomize
