I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
