Plan B is the new Plan A
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
