I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
