Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
