Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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