no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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