Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Found your dick twin last night
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
