did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
