last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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