woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
