I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
