it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
