So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
