Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
