No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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