There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
