Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
