How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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