dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
