I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm at about main and main street
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize