I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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