I'm drive I can fine osifer
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
