omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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