Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
